Confession #203: Do you love me?

DO YOU LOVE ME? | BLOG | Naima Lett




I woke up this morning trying to figure out how to accomplish the seemingly impossible, God-sized agenda before me.

“You want me to do what?!” I found myself repeating, as if the mandate was going to go away.

Most days, I’d plow ahead. Things to do. People to see. Places to go. Make. Things. Happen! Fueled by an unwavering passion and desire.

Today, that was not happening. What do you do when desire bails? What happens when you don’t WANT to do what you’re being asked to do? Even if, especially if, it’s from God? Anybody ever had that dilemma?

I checked in with myself to see if I could make my desire budge.
“Nope! Still don’t wanna,” my inner 2-year old kicked in.
I reasoned that it’s such a privilege to have a relationship with God and to serve Him. He is Lord and Creator of the universe, you know?
“Not working!”

I resolved that I would have to move forward out of sheer will, determination and obedience. Nothing in me WANTED to.

Then, at a friend’s request, I loaded a video of a message I delivered a few months in a service in Hollywood. I was floored by my own sermon. It was about Peter’s “I’ll-die-for-you” love declaration for Jesus before he denied the Lord three times (John 13:31-38), and Jesus’ subsequent “Do you love me?” question to Peter three times when Jesus restored him (John 21:15-19).

“Do you love me?” Jesus wanted to know of Peter.
“Lord, you know that I love you,” Peter responded.
“Feed my sheep.” Jesus said.

Toddler-Me sat down.
My emphatic “NO!” melted away.
“Do you love me?” All of a sudden, I had flashbacks of notes being passed around in grade school. Remember those? “Do you love me?” Yes or No? But I’m not in grade school anymore. I’m grown, and I have a decision to make.

“Do you love me?” dropped from my head to my heart.
“Lord, you know I do,” I whispered.
“Then, do.”
I’m doing…

Naima Lett

Naima loves bringing stories to life, believes everyone should find a reason to dance daily, and savors every bite of her grandmother's bread pudding & sweet potato pie.

• Freddie November 18, 2011 at 8:19 pm

  well written, Naima.
  Freddie

  Reply
• allison November 25, 2011 at 8:14 pm

  this was really where i am right now. It HAS to be love because theirs some stuff you cant in your flesh Go through for God if you didn’t love Him. willpower doesnt work for me, supposed to doesnt either not even consequences (i was the child who said i’ll take the beatin im not eating these peas..i know demon child) but for love i think id do about anything.thanks

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